


some people don't transform

by the_everliving_ghost



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Jane and Roxy are really vaguely referenced though hAHA whhhaaaaaaaaaatever, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-15
Updated: 2012-12-15
Packaged: 2017-11-21 04:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/593273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_everliving_ghost/pseuds/the_everliving_ghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>dirk only squeezes your hand, light enough to be a ghost but hard enough to remind you that,</p>
<p>you are not</p>
<p>alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	some people don't transform

**Author's Note:**

> dont mind me just playing with format things and stylistic writing yadda yadda boring story

the rain of london pitters and patters against the windows one saturday when he sleeps over, and he's typing, click click click click against pitter patter pitter patter, and you shove yourself under his arms and over his lap.

_I'm trying to finish my essay,_ he complains, and he sounds a little exasperated but pushes the laptop away to lean over you. dirk is cold. _C'mon English. Move it._

and he prods you a little. 

_Im tired,_ you say. 

_I'm busy,_ he says.

_Sleep,_ you say.

_I'm not tired,_ he says. _You sleep._

_Are we wrong?_ you say. and he tenses a short while, and here you are, impulsive again, not knowing how to venture further into the topic but knowing you must. _This. Thing. That we have._

_Thing,_ he repeats, slowly. 

_Thing._

_Do you think it's wrong?_

_No._

_Then it isn't._

and that's that. 

but it doesn't help sometimes that you hold hands and receive dirty looks or that you hug him and receive dirty looks or that you kiss him and receive dirty looks

(( or that you and him feel so _right_ when the world makes you feel _wrong_ ))

and the words aren't ever spoken to you but you hear them 

always hear them

_faggot --_

nasty words

_ugly --_

untrue words

_dick sucking --_

-

you lose it one day

in the middle of class 

a boy turns to look at you.

_what a fucking loser --_

you are getting used to this

but not,

_\-- i bet his boyfriend's a prissy little fag too_

this. 

this is new

and volcanoes erupt and cars crash and cities burn and burn and burn.

it isn't until you are sitting in the head honcho's office, sporting a black eye you will likely have for days, that you realize you have beaten the bloody shit out of someone's son.

(( someone's lover, someone's friend ))

you are ready to defend yourself, 

but then you realize how petty

(( _He called my boyfriend homophobic names_ ))

you would sound.

the principal saunters in, condescending.

he begins, _Jake, you seem like a good lad. Your grades are... fairly nice. I've never gotten any complaints about your behavior like this before,_  radda radda radda and then, _Why did you do it?_  

(( you hesitate ))

_Because._

(( decide against it ))

the principal presses, _Because?_

(( what does a man with a thousand children care about you anyways ))

_Because._

he chews his lip a moment. folds his hands on his lap. leans back on his chair. he is faceless and gray and flat. very flat. 

he says, _You should never resort to violence._

(( he says, _Dear victim, the fault is on you._ ))

-

lunch break and dirk is all over you in a string of vibrant colors mashed together.

_Are you okay jesus fucking christ English I'm going to-- I'm going to--_

you laugh it off, because if you don't no one else will, and jane and roxy are unsmiling and dirk is unsmiling and if they keep this up you will soon be unsmiling.

_It doesnt hurt._

you shrug his concern off

(( later you learn you had given the lad three broken ribs and a black eye to match yours and you are happier than you should be ))

and you leave out the bit that initiated the entire fight when you explained how it went down.

_He just said a few things._

(( later later you learn that the principal never spoke a word to said lad and your high dips down into negative integers ))

-

somedayweekmonth after, you return to school and dirk comes home with you because his brother is going to be out for a few days, and your grandmother gave the ok to look after him for the bit. 

your black eye is long gone but dirk remembers. 

_What do they say?_

dirk remembers everything. 

you blurt, _Things,_  and it's silent long enough for you to think he has dropped the topic but, 

_Tell me._

and when you reluctantly comply, dirk is angry. 

_Dont be,_ you try, a smile stretched thin on your face. _Im plenty used to it._

and dirk is angrier. 

_You can't let them get to you, all right? None of it's true. They're a crowd of brainless shits._

-

Once upon a time an ugly duckling was alienated,

(( _ugly ugly ugly_ ))

and she 

believed. 

-

it gets progressively worse but you get progressively impassive

-

_faggot --_

-

you don't bother to see who speaks what who talks what who cusses what 

-

_fucking brokebacks --_

-

you

-

_go to hell --_

-

stop

-

_better off dead --_

_-_

caring,

but on some days it gets to you. 

-

some starry night near the end of the school year, _I think,_  possibly you are being naive again. _I dont know. I just want to be away from everything sometimes._

but you dont want to be alone. 

dirk only squeezes your hand, light enough to be a ghost but hard enough to remind you that,

you are not

alone. 

-

_Do you think the ugly duckling was ugly?_

dirk gives you a look. 

_Dunno. The title is about an ugly duckling so it'd make sense if she were ugly._

_I know but maybe she wasnt. Maybe she just thought she was ugly because the ducks thought she was ugly and everyone thought she was ugly and even the author called her ugly and now everyone who reads that story is gonna think shes ugly._

dirk catches on, quickly. 

_You're waiting for your swan transformation._

you sigh. 

_Some people don't transform, Jake._  he pauses a beat. and then several more.  _Maybe no one really needs to._

_So do you think the ugly duckling was ugly?_

_No,_ he shakes his head, _No, I don't._

-

school ends

and you graduate

and you (( plural )) are gone. 

dirk catches you scribbling in a book during the car ride to Nowhere-In-Particular. 

-

Once upon a time an ugly duckling was alienated by her peers,

(( _ugly ugly ugly_ ))

and she 

believed. 

And she, 

(( born ugly,

raised ugly,

grew ugly, ))

died ugly

-

_And happy._


End file.
